{ crash. }

One of my main reasons in blogging is to use my blog as a journal of the things that happen around our house. Thoughts I have, funny kids antics, a way to share my faith. I'm actually in the process of making my blog come to life in actual book form with plans to give each of my girls a copy as a keepsake.

That being said....today's post was suppose to be about the annual Hershey's Track Meet that the girls ran in the other day.  Instead the post for today IS about exercising your legs and going fast, just with a much different outcome than that of the track meet.

Last night my best friend took Kenna to a show she had won tickets for. I took Kinzley to soccer then we headed into our town for a meeting on Farmer's Market. During the warm months my friend and I roller blade around our small town and last summer Kinzley had gotten a pair of roller blades too in hopes she could join us. She had been practicing in the garage {and in my kitchen when she sneaks in!} and has gotten really good. Earlier this week she came with us and only fell once, even catching herself halfway down.

Last night after the meeting Kinz and I decided to go on the very non-hilly smooth road in a section of town. I should mention she isn't great at stopping, she tends to  run over to the grass or throw herself in the grass. Just like I did last year as I was learning . ;)

I am a little ways ahead of her and in true competitive Kinzley spirit she got going a little too fast trying to catch me. Unfortunately there was a slight decline she was going down. Looking back had I just let her go she would have picked up speed before the road leveled out and slowed her down, however I could see she was getting nervous and told her to come past and grab my hand as she went. I did manage to slow her down but we ended up bobbling and I tried successfully for a while to keep us upright by pulling her entire weight up with my arm. I could hear the plastic of her roller blades dragging and didn't know if her feet were getting hurt so I tried to brake myself and didn't take into consideration that my body weight wasn't distributed as it normally would be based on the fact I was holding a 57 pound child up with one arm. I ended up spinning around and she slingshots past me, our hands let go and she falls. All I could think was 'Oh no! She is going to lose skin and that burns sooo bad.' It wasn't until her head was inches from the ground that we make eye contact and I realize she is going to hit her head. Her poor poor head in which her mom didn't put a helmet on.

I've been extremely lucky in the past 8 years in regards to injuries with my girls. {and daycare kids for that matter} We have never had to go to the ER. Actually the only Dr. visits we have ever made have been for scheduled well child check or minor colds. Neither of my girls have ever stepped foot in a hospital unless we were visiting someone. They just have never gotten hurt. That's in no way a reflection on my parenting. :) Our girls are dare devils, they jump off the loft bed, climb on top of the monkey bags, ride their dirt bike, {with a helmet!!!} jump off the diving board at age 3, etc etc... They have had plently of opportunities to get hurt. I just think God knows their Mother isn't great in a crisis.

Of course the girls have had typical everyday bumps, bruises and cuts. Very seldom though have I seen an injury about to occur and then have to watch it happen. Normally I hear the cry afterward, see the 'owie', give kisses, a band-aid and they are good to go. Of course there is the dreaded immunizations. The ones where the parent has to 'lay' across their child's chest and hold both arms down while the nurse gives the shot. Being a new mom I was unaware of a critical aspect of watching your newborn baby receive a shot. You don't look at their face while it's happening. One of the most heart wrenching times of my parenting is looking into their eyes, while they know something is happening and seeing the sheer pain and panic once the shot is administered.

It's awful.

Now as a 'veteran' mom I know you grab their hands, put your face to theirs, kiss their forehead and close your eyes until it's over. You save your heart from the pain of knowing your child is hurting when there is nothing you can do about it.

When Kinzley fell it probably all happened in a matter of 30 seconds of less. We locked eyes for seconds. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't have looked away. I saw the panic, then the pain. And my heart broke.

Looking back 14 hours later, I keep thinking of  the night Jesus was crucified.  As He is hung on a cross to die, he says to His Father, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46)  Now I know, 'God just couldn't.'

My girl fell. She hit her head. There was a possibility she could have been seriously injured but the odds of it being a minor injury was a greater reality. I wanted to look away and not see the pain just like I look away during the immunizations. I think of Our Father watching His Son be tortured and killed and I can't imagine He could watch. I think of my little crashing roller bladder and know if I could trade places with her I would have without hesitation. God had that same intense love for His son yet still chose to allow Him to die because He loves us. He could stopped the torture Jesus was enduring. He loves us that much more. As a parent watching my child in minor pain compared to His Son's, I cant.imagine.how.hard.it.was for Our Heavenly Father to know He could put an end to it.  While my heart is heavy with all the pain Our Savior endured for me, I am so glad He did. I can't wait to thank Him face to face one day for not only giving us His life for mine but also for my girls. I can't wait wait to stand in the presence of God and thank Him for allowing His Son to die because He loved us so.

Oddly enough while the entire crash was terrible, that wasn't even the hardest part. The hardest part wasn't sitting in the middle of the street with my hysterical daughter screaming and having her not realize her shoulder was scraped and bleeding. It wasn't having a woman working in her yard run over with an ice pack. It wasn't taking off the roller blades and carrying my daughter to a woman in a golf cart who offered to drive us back to the car.

No, the worst part was getting my girl buckled in and seeing her look at her soccer socks she was still wearing then looking at her shin guards she just took off a 1/2 hour before and hearing her ask, "Did I have soccer tonight?......Did I go to school?.....I didn't ride the bus home today, you picked me up..... I didn't watch a movie in school"

She couldn't remember anything that happened at all that day.

At that point I decided to start crying as I am driving home to get my husband so he can take us to the ER. I called our regular Dr. who told me to hang up and go to the ER NOW!!!  Kinzley went ballistic when she realized she was going to the hospital......to a point I wasn't sure if we would be able to get her in the car.

As I'm holding her hand in the backseat of the car she broke my heart once again asking, "Where is my sister? I NEED my sister!!! What if I die? I'm just so scared. Why can't I remember what happened today? What if I have to stay in the hospital forever? I love you Mom. I love you so much. What if I have to have brain surgery? I'm just so scared. What if I never see my cat again?!?!?!?!? ZOWE!!!!!! "

Once the cat got brought into the picture I let out a huge sigh. If she was worried about her cat, I knew she would be ok. :)  We just prayed together and I told her Jesus was watching over her and He would protect her no matter what happened. I prayed for peace for Tim and I and her. I prayed her little body would have no long term effects from hitting her head against unforgiving concrete.

At the hospital, we get her checked into triage and are told to go to the waiting area for a few minutes. There are lots of people, lots of kids running around yet as we make out way to find a couple of seats my {I love to pick up junk off the floor} daughter reaches down and picks up one of those plastic Livestrong type bracelets. It's purple, green and yellow tie dye. On it are the words "He Lives" with cross's that go all the way around. {It's amazing how Jesus knows how to touch us in our time of despair.}

After a short wait we are taken back to a room. She is seen by a nurse who says, "The Dr. will be right in."  30 minutes go by and Kinzley is slowly coming back to normal, even actually more hyper than usual. Someone else comes in to give us paperwork and says, "I'll be right back." To which Kinzley says, "Yeah right, We've heard THAT before!"  {grin}

Finally when the Dr. does come in she is posing her stuffed toy cat in different areas around the room, taking pictures with Tim's camera phone. I just smile and say I think she's doing better! :) She proceeds to give the Dr. every single detail of what happened. Down to the size of the rocks she felt under her leg while she was laying there. The Dr. mentioned she may have blurry vision or vomit a few times and not to worry if that happens. After he leaves Kinz looks at us and says, "Do I have to vomit if I don't want to?"  :)

When we are free to go we make a quick trip to the restroom where she looks in the mirror and see her dry chapped lips which are still blue from the ring pop she had earlier in the day. {The same lips that Tim thought she bruised from the fall :) } She see's them and says, "THAT must hurt!" I just laughed and told her "The are your lips, DO they hurt?"  Silly girl!

By the time we made it 1/2 way home she was asleep. She walked in the house, crawled in my bed and slept hard until morning.

Me on the other hand.......I relived the past 2 hours all night long and kept touching her to make sure she was breathing. This morning she was fine, even went to school. No headache, just a scraped shoulder and a sensitive head. Me.........I'm exhausted and very very thankful. It might seem like a simple fall to some. To me it shows how quickly life can change on a dime. It's yet another reminder to slow down and appreciate life. It's a slap in the face reminder that whenever she has wheels under her feet, she will have a helmet on her sweet little head. I'm actually considering making her wear a helmet whenever she leaves the house. Going to get the mail? Grab your helmet. Going swimming? Don't forget your life jacket. And your helmet. Don't ever think about walking outside to pick that flower without your helmet on! {grin}

One thing is for certain........I'll never complain about her being hard headed again!

And for now Kinz and I are going to fight over who gets to wear a rubber bracelet so neither of us forget how lucky and loved we are!